EAT GREEN, EAT GRASS!

Monday, December 28

Would one know when he is dying?

He felt a force plunge into him from his temples to
his ribs. It was an enormous energy that surged through
him and rendered him unaware. Like an arm of a wrestler
the strength gripped and twisted him in his throat and
yanked the life out of him, literally.

If you would imagine, it is like a duplicate figure with less
colour and opacity having it's shape distorted from an
identified point at the throat, towards the source of power.

He thinks, he will die.

chill-

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Sunday, December 27

Just, Let Him Die

It kind of eats into me and leaves me to ponder.
About the things that I want, all that I lost and
cannot re-own.

Bitterness engulfs him from the inside, and overflows
in his sobbing. It's not often that he is broken in
this manner and he feels a piercing humiliation in every
escaped tear drop.

I am still willing, to say yes, to be nice and give
more than required. While it has me a pleasant emotion,
I wonder how you feel.

Confusion emerges from the eye to eye contact. He is
comforted, but afraid; he looks away. It must be
possible to remain and be all right. It does not have
to be this painful.

But as he lost himself deep in memory and aggravated
thought, I put a bullet through his temple. To end the
tightness in his chest, physical hurt and unconditional
crying that proved the existance of medical depression.

Just, let him die.

chill-

Thursday, December 24

It keeps me up all night.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the supernatural sort of revenge that
takes place unwittingly. Oh pray, everything must have been a
coincidence.
I discard the need to address being suppressed, which I believe
is a defense. How could I?

chill-

Sunday, December 20

I Had A Jellyfish In My Right Hand, And Stroked A Fish With The Other

I dislike being in a pool.
But I went snorkling, got salty and got stung by jellyfish.

I like that.

chill-

Wednesday, December 16

For when I return safely.

chill-

Tuesday, December 15

It's strange that I wonder what you're doing when the
very thought, the very thought it makes me cry. I hold
your memory close, etched into my wrist into my soul.
And maybe one day I'll leave all this behind me. I'll
trace your footsteps in the places you took me, just
to recover the missing piece of this

h le.

chill-

Monday, December 14

He's No Ordinary God

He's no ordinary love.

The happiest people are usually in love
and the saddest most of the time are lost,
looking for acceptance in places, many
still burried in old love that's ceased
to exist.
---

Here's part of a song Ccyanide did
while we were young, cruel and great:

and i wrote your name
a million times a million ways
and still the sound of it
its making me fuck up again
give me a reason
for us to say goodbye
im learning how to lose myself
its fun to believe your lies

-Ccyanide / bubble gum pop
(c)cyanide 06'

chill-

Sunday, December 13

Until My Eyes Are Clear, Everytime I Think About You

I'll pretend I am ready.

chill-

Saturday, December 12

A certain sort of torment that hides;
that steals through the eyes of the
beloved for fear of realisation that
he had an untold emotion.

chill-

Wednesday, December 9

Dino got crushed
D'lon got hurt
Damn.

chill-

Tuesday, December 8

You know you love someone, when you don't hate them
for breaking you down; even without a band around the
finger. Do you ever miss a scent?

chill-

Saturday, December 5

But everytime he talked about dying, he felt guity because
it appeared to be a subject everyone avoided to speak of.
They chided him and related their sadness, horror in their
voices. It's a wonder dying always made situations solemn.
He understood, but thought of dying as often as the pain in
his chest; aggravated by suppression. Could it be that he
had a prior knowing, which he desired to share? Why wouldn't
anyone hear him out?

Thank you mysterious person. Perhaps I know who you are.

And dying is as much fun as hurting can get; for the reason
that dying lacked satisfaction from making things right.

chill-

Friday, December 4

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful.
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart.
When she was sad, I was there to dry her tears.
And when she was happy, so was I.
---

I was on shuffle this afternoon, when she loved me, everything
was beautiful. But my brothers and I are all right about not
giving a fuck to these affairs. Then again, maybe aside from the
cardiovascular exercises, push ups and chin ups, we do betray
how we speak. It is strange, therefore I'd like to push myself to
limits my physical cannot attain. Then bleed from the stress,
sweat from the veins that pump emotion which I lack at times.
But I am tired, and I cannot lift the weights that weigh on me.
Perhaps, it is a far away goal that keeps me alive. I spent an
entire afternoon alone at the gym, for lunch and sitting around
like I had company. It was therapeutic and it created opportunities
for me to realise that I am taking things to harshly; yet the events
that occur, situations that arise do not seem to understand my
downfall. Over and over, nothing appears to get better. While I
am not yet at the peak of this low, maybe the worst is approaching.

chill-

Thursday, December 3

Mrs. Radio - Vampire For Hire

I taste you on my tongue, you're like a dream to me.
I think you know how much, I feel your every frequency.

chill-

Wednesday, December 2

The Truth Shall Set You Free, Said He.

Please let me by. This oblivion is tormenting. D;

chill-

Tuesday, December 1

He wrote letters to you, but never posted them.
Do you notice he is gone, so far away?

chill-

Sunday, November 29

She yelled for me to think twice about being rash.
Yet I thought, I'd do anything to break this fall.

chill-

Saturday, November 28

Hold Nothing Back - Copeland

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where you want and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you.

chill-

Words slip through his fingers as sounds missed his ears.
He was in a state of devastation; I could see blood in
his tears - some emotional torment. Doctor diagnosed
it as a psychological breakdown.

Yes breakdown:
under his skin, torn apart flesh, drilled to his bones
and right through to the marrow where excruciating tales
struggled for release.

His sweat had a tinge of purple, resembling the colour
of his veins that pumped anguish to the point of collapse.
He would, I expect, wind up in a seizure with his clothes
stained a diluted crimson violet.

"That's okay", I thought, "don't assure my fears, I like
feeling this way."

chill-

Friday, November 27

Until I met your eyes today,
I thought I hardened myself.

chill-

Thursday, November 26

You Can't Take My Face, But You Can Have My Body.

because I don't want to look too broken.

chill-

Sunday, November 22

I learnt about breaking habits, I also learnt about failure.
But I think conceding without fighting is worse; I'm guilty.

chill-

Saturday, November 21

We'll get some drinks, be drunk and vulnerable.

chill-

Friday, November 20

To get stronger, and win.

chill-

Wednesday, November 18

Do you write when you don't know what to say?
I'll do a recollection of memories instead, just to fill
the void that words are lacking at. Perhaps it
would diminish the conflict and birth a source of
expression.

I fell into a ditch once; a deep deep ditch.. I don't
remember if I jumped in or if it was an accident.
I couldn't climb out. I probably wanted to get to
the other side. There was another time I ate a
piece of green chalk because it was in my
favourite colour. Think simple thoughts.

I think I've figured out to put this feeling into words,
but I can't pen it.

chill-

Tuesday, November 17

That's because we were happy then.

chill-

Monday, November 16

We may self destruct,
together.

chill-

If I Could Sing Two Hearts

I would need two throats.

Hahaha.

chill-

Saturday, November 14

Let Your Tears Flow Back

"Wait up!" I called to Cedric as he ran before me.
"Be careful!" I hollered again.

It was as if Cedric was making a dash for freedom;
or maybe it was because he just learnt to walk again
after the fateful accident that impaired his mobility.

Crash!

I rushed to Cedric's side, the silly boy never heeded
advice, yet he was so adorable despite his flaw. There
were tears streaming down his cheeks; it was a bad fall,
blood and all. I got down to his level and we huddled on
the road.

"Darling, look to the sky and let your tears flow back"
I whispered, stroked his hair and kissed him.

Then the afterthought interrupted me:
'Perhaps, he was desperate to be free.'

chill-

You're my favourite pain;
painkillers kill pain.

chill-

Friday, November 13

Friday The 13th: I Say, We All Deal.

You may be acquainted with the night
But I have seen the darkness and the day
And you must know that it’s a terrifying sight
Because you and I are living the same way

chill-

Thursday, November 12

You were right about finding my soul
because it's just a historical repeat.
I've lost it, even though I was prepared.

chill-

Monday, November 9

I Will Not Make Out With You.
And I wonder, how might this sound? :0

Aside from my frivolous ways, only in some manners which aren't
significant enough to invite disaster just yet, I have been mildly
depressed by several issues which bother me at the grandest times
of the day. It's great to realise that I'll never be bored, with regards
to how restlessness and I are best friends. I am sick of not knowing
what to say or do, and screwing things up as quickly as they get to me.
How wonderful, I'd exclaim to myself, yet again disappointed by my
awful conduct; I fail to be sarcastic when I see through the irony
I try to portray. I've been in pain, no I am not an 'emo' poseur who
exhibits sad prose, it's a physical pain that keeps me up at night,
which made me pretty down about not competing. But that's all right,
I will get over it pretty soon. Respect to the IVP committee and the
rest of the team, great job and spirit. Beat is really impressed and sorry
that she was not all enough help though it was understood from the
beginning. Perhaps I am ready now, and may forward in regret. I will
live on tiny orange pills that give me gastritis.

punches fist in air

chill-